Not Just Another Guy
by writelikeademon
Summary: EphramColin slash. During the ski trip, Ephram and Colin reveal their true feelings for each other. R&R Chapter 6 Up!
1. Turn

A/N: Once upon a time there was a guy who wrote fanfic. He added a disclaimer to make it a little less illegal and so everyone was sure he was making no $$ from his story. The End. But there was a girl named Hjordis who bought Mike Erwin and kept him in her bedroom closet… but that's a different story.

This story is set mid-"Snow Job". The first section is all dialogue directly from the show. I did not write it. I watched the episode and wrote everything down. They're already gonna sue me for using Kazaa, I don't need the WB to be on my ass too.

~*~

I want to see what people saw  
I want to feel like I felt before  
I want to see the kingdom come  
I want to feel forever young  
I want to sing  
To sing my song  
I want to live in a world where I belong

- "Turn", Travis

~*~

Colin took a glance back at Ephram as they walked away from the bus. Ephram was looking back too. Quickly the boy broke away from Colin's gaze and left the area in a hurry.

Colin inhaled deeply, trying to push that giddy, tingly feeling away he got everytime he looked at Ephram. He'd felt that ever since he'd seen him at his welcome back party, when he saw that sullen, dark-haired boy who stood away from the adoring crowd, unique among the blonde and bland. He continued to feel it everytime Ephram was near. Colin knew it was wrong; no one else he knew was gay, and he certainly knew how his father felt after Laynie had made a joke about lesbians in her boarding school one night at dinner. But why did it feel so good to be around Ephram if it was wrong?

He turned his attention back to Amy, who'd led him to a bridge overlooking a snow-peaked mountain. Fluffy clouds dotted a periwinkle sky so perfect it looked like the backdrop to a play. "Smell," she ordered him, grinning like she always did. "The cold smells like pine… or the pine smells like cold…" Amy shrugged. "Something."

Colin took in a deep breath. The air smelt fresh and cold, with a hint of pine. He stood there for a second, waiting for any sign, any burst of recognition. He'd been here before, but the memory was lost, trapped in his mind. He looked at Amy, and could see how thrilled she was. Instantaneously Then he got into character, slipping into the role of "Colin Hart, teenage boy extraordinaire". He did the same thing to around everyone else. Except Ephram. His face formed into a wide grin. "Yeah, I like it."

Amy grinned and Colin felt a burst of boyfriendly pride. He'd done his job and made her happy. "I knew you would. Last year there was a lot more snow, but-"

"Look, can you do me a favor?" Colin asked, smiling and using a light-hearted tone._ Keep up on the script, don't break character. "Can we just not mention last year? Um, or last anything? I mean, I was kind of hoping to- to take a break, rest my mind this weekend." Was that good? Was Amy OK with that?_

"Yeah. Sure. Definitely." Amy paused and they stood in silence for a second.

"So, uh, where do you think Bright and Gemma are?" Colin asked casually. Amy rolled her eyes. "Probably groping on a gondola."

Colin laughed. Amy was kind of funny. She was a "kind of" girl_. Kind of funny. Kind of pretty. Kind of like Ephram. "Yeah, he was pretty bent on trotting new territories this weekend. Think it'll happen?"_

Amy made a face. "I try very hard not to think about my brother's sex life and habits."

Colin laughed again. He should win an Academy Award for this performance. He fit easily into the role of "Colin Hart, teenage boy extraordinaire". There was no need to play "Colin Hart, gay guy". "Yeah, that makes sense. It's funny, though. We were talking about it, and he was so nervous." He was beginning to babble; he could hear himself. _Did Colin the First ever babble?_ he wondered. "I mean, it's hard to believe he has so little experience with-" He swallowed hard. "Sex, you know. It just goes to show that you never can tell about some people."

Amy gave Colin a cute little half-smile. Ooh, she'd caught onto his little ploy. "Are you trying to ask me something, Colin?"

"No!" Colin protested innocently. "Well, I mean I- I don't about what- what you and I- I mean, did we, ever-" He struggled for words; _Colin the First probably never stuttered, he knew exactly what to say._

Amy saved the day and cut him off. "No. We didn't. You haven't." A mischievous look grew on her face. "But, uh, we did an awful lot of kissing."

Colin knew what she wanted him to do next, to play along. He smiled shyly. "Were we any good at it?"

"OK, I guess. I mean, it could use some work," Amy said, an amused smile growing on her face. "I suppose I could instruct you."

"Well, maybe we could make that part of my rehab," Colin suggested. _Now the script calls for a kiss, he thought as he leaned forward and closed his eyes. He felt his lips meet Amy's. Her lips were warm, he realized, as her hair formed a cradle around their faces. It was just like how actors kissed in the movies; poignant, romantic- and completely without feeling._

Colin pulled away from Amy. _That was supposed to be perfect_, he thought angrily. _My first kiss._ Instead, he felt- empty. Hungry. Wanting something more, that spark or chemistry or fireworks people were always talking about. The conclusion he'd drawn weeks ago hit him full-blast: Amy was his home base. But he didn't want to "score" with her.

Meanwhile, she had no idea what was going on in his head. "Well," Amy stated plainly, obviously pleased and grinning like she'd just huffed laughing gas. "That was even better than last year. It started to snow, and you said if I didn't kiss you, you'd never forgive me."

Colin turned his head away from her, cheeks burning. _Wow, that's super, Amy, he wanted to say. __Except I don't remember last year, or when we were eleven, or anything at all._

Amy realized her mistake when she saw Colin's expression. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that."

"I asked you to stop." His words were short and harshly spoken. _Maybe this time, Colin thought, __she'll accept the fact that **I **can't** **remember**.**_

"You're the one who brought it up. You asked me what we used to do," Amy argued. Colin couldn't believe it. Now she was blaming _him_ for _her_ mistake?

"That was different," Colin snapped, his temper boiling over. "I was just trying to figure out where we stood."

"I'm sorry," she apologized quickly. "I won't mention it again."

The script was gone. Try as he might, Colin the Second couldn't stop from shedding his Colin the First costume and revealing what was underneath. "You know," he said, "you keep expecting me to be this guy you knew-"

"Colin, please, it doesn't have to be a big deal-" Amy was breaking character too, and was fighting to get back on script.

"Won't you get it through your head he's gone? He's _dead, Amy. There's only me." He stalked away from her, back down from the mountain. _And if you knew who the real me was, you wouldn't be able to take it. If you knew I have a crush on another guy-_ Colin shook his head sorrowfully.__ Colin the First was straight. Why can't I be? Why can't I just follow the script and play my part?_

~*~

Ephram had told Colin he was going to try skiing, but he lied. Considering the fact that Everwood already considered him some type of neo-Holden Caulfield, he didn't think it was appropriate to loose his "street cred" by participating in such a preppy sport. At least, that's what he'd tell anyone who'd ask. He just didn't want to wipe out and look like a massive geek.

So he sat in the lounge, his headphones on, breezing through a manga. Actually, he was thinking about what Amy and Colin were doing. Were they talking about last year or other memories? Were they laughing? Were they kissing?

Ephram was surprised to be feel hurt by that. Not by Colin kissing Amy, but Amy kissing Colin. _Oh, gross_, Ephram thought quickly. _Let's get rid of those thoughts **now**_.

He heard the door to the lodge open and close with a loud slam. Ephram looked up and saw Colin. There was a mixed reaction inside of him, one he was desperately trying to figure out. He couldn't help but notice Colin's bright blue eyes, so different from his own. They were guileless and truthful, not cynical and guarded like Ephram's own gaze. He saw the way Amy looked at Colin. Ephram wished Colin looked at him that way.  _Cut it out, Brown, Ephram ordered himself, forcing his eyes off Colin's._

Ephram pulled off his headphones as Colin approached him. "What's up?"

"Nothing. I- I just had a fight with Amy." Colin looked- well, the best word was "wrecked." It was like the time Dr. Brown had let it slip to Delia that Santa Claus wasn't real, and her entire childhood belief system was destroyed forever. Colin looked like that; that confused look of not being sure of anything.

"Can I do something?" Ephram asked weakly, unsure of what to do. He was praying Colin would say no. He wasn't a great advice giver, in his opinion, and he didn't really want to hear the grim details of a Colin-Amy argument. He'd only feel… jealous. _OK, stop it brain. Stop thinking about him that way!_

Unfortunately, Colin was nodding "yes". Oh, shit. "Can we go somewhere more private?"

"Uh, sure," Ephram said, gathering up his Discman and manga. "I'll show you where our room is."

A flight of stairs and three hallways later, the two boys were sitting on their beds in the hotel room. Neither was speaking. Ephram cleared his throat. "So what happened?"

Colin laid back on the bed with a shrug. "I don't know. She- she just started bringing up stuff about last year. And I told her not to, but she did it anyway."

"She's had a- a rough time. I mean, when you were out, you were all she talked about," Ephram said. "She's really happy to have you back. I think she's afraid if she lets you go, you'll go all Sleeping Beauty on her again." Ephram was hoping for a laugh from Colin to lighten the dour mood, but all he got was anger.

"That's another thing," Colin said intensely, sitting up. Again Ephram was struck by the sheer blueness of Colin's eyes, and this time he didn't force himself to look away. "She's always around, always asking if I need help or anything. I mean, I'm grateful to her and everything, but-" Colin's eyes met Ephram. "I love her, you know? She's great. But I'm not _in love with her like she is with me."_

Ephram's mouth was suddenly dry, which was funny, because his hands and upper lip were producing sweat at a rapid rate. "Oh," he said, not exactly sure what he was supposed to say next. Colin suddenly looked as nervous as Ephram felt, staring at his chewed-up nails as he bit his lip. Ephram wiped his mouth self-consciously and noticed Colin's gaze travel along his hand.

"There's someone else," Colin said softly, barely audible. Ephram tried to ask who, but his sandpaper tongue wouldn't allow it. Colin got up from his bed to sit next to Ephram. He swallowed painfully. "Who?" Ephram asked, already knowing the answer. Their eyes met, and Colin leaned into Ephram.

The fireworks, the sheer spark and chemistry Colin hungered for was there. Ephram's lips and his connected like puzzle pieces, just waiting to fit into one another. Their tongues met, and Colin could almost feel electricity sizzle and crackle between them.

Ephram's stomach was a bundle of pure nerves as he felt the softness of Colin's lips. Slowly he realized how natural it felt to be kissing him. There had never been this simplicity with girls, Amy or otherwise. His fine-boned hands ran through Colin's short hair as easily as they tickled a set of piano keys. He inhaled deeply as Colin's good arm traced its way down his back and cradled his body against his. The bundle of nerves inside him tightened excitedly until Ephram could hardly breath.

He felt Colin move back for a moment, and opened his eyes. Colin's eyes were bright, and his mouth was slightly swollen around the edges. Ephram could tell he looked just the same way.

"I've never kissed a boy," Colin said breathlessly.

"Neither have I."

"Yeah, but you didn't spend four months as a paperweight,"  Colin teased gently, bringing a laugh out of Ephram, "so it's OK if I have little experience."

"I'm from New York," Ephram told Colin bluntly. "I win this argument." Before Colin could argue back, he moved in Colin, pushing his back onto the bed, being careful not to put pressure on his bad arm. Colin tasted like peppermint Altoids, Ephram's favorite. He licked his lips, trying to absorb the taste into his own tongue.

Colin pulled away from Ephram. "Footsteps," he whispered. The boys leapt apart.

"Evening, boys," Dr. Abbott said as he burst into the room, finding a very flushed Ephram reading a manga on his bed and a very pale Colin staring at the ceiling on the other. "It's board game time!" He held up a Monopoly box.

"No thanks, Dr. Abbott," Colin said, smiling unsurely. "We're a little tired."

"Come on, boys, it'll be fun!" Dr. Abbott shooed the boys out of their room like a mother hen. "I'll even let you be the top hat if you _really want to be…"_

~*~

Colin rolled the die and pushed the thimble three spaces onto Park Place. "That's my property," Bright said proudly. "And you owe me…"

Amy was looking at Colin, in a way that made him feel like a fish in a tank, or a science experiment. _A watched pot never apologizes for something that **wasn't** his fault_, he thought sarcastically. He smiled a little; it sounded like something Ephram might say.

Colin looked across the table at Ephram, who was fingering a plastic house and trying very hard not to look at anyone. _What happens now? _thought Colin. He looked between watchful Amy and restrained Ephram. _What's the next scene?_

"Colin," Bright said impatiently, tapping him on the arm. Colin blinked as he was shaken from his thoughts.

"What?"

"You owe me, for landing on my place." Bright rolled his eyes and took the money from Colin's pile. Colin avoided the questioning look from Amy as she rolled the die and the game continued.

~*~

"What happens now?" Colin asked Ephram when they returned to their room for their 9:30 bedtime.

Ephram looked uncomfortable. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, you, you like me, right? And I- I like you. A-a lot." He took in a deep breath, trying not to stutter as he spoke.

Ephram sat on his bed, pulling off his shoes. "Yeah, I like you." His tone was flat and simple, as if he'd said, "Yeah, I like Cocoa Puffs", or something like that.

"In a gay way?" The question made Ephram's head snap up like he'd been slapped. "In a- a 'you like to kiss boys' way?"

Colin watched Ephram open his mouth and close it again, looking nervous. "Don't rush to answer," he snapped. He felt like he'd been hit by a steamroller. He'd gotten Ephram to come away with him this weekend, gotten them to room together, had finally spilled his feelings, and now- it looked like his waiting and hoping had been for nothing.

"This is just new- _really_ new to me," Ephram began, trying not to look so guilty.

"Ephram-" Colin stopped himself before he said something stupid. He took a deep breath. "You don't know what it feels like to be me, to be the guy everyone knew and loved. Everyone knows every detail about your life, except _you! And then, when you start crushing on guys-" Colin sighed. He didn't want to talk anymore. He grabbed his suitcase and started to leave. _

"Where the fuck are you going?" demanded Ephram. Colin flinched at Ephram's tone but continued to make his way to the door.

"I'm gonna sleep in Bright's room," replied Colin bitterly. "Maybe we'll even slip in a kiss or two."

"That's not even _funny_," spat Ephram as Colin stormed out. Furious, Ephram slammed the door shut and turned out the light.


	2. Stay Away

Make a move on me baby  
I cant be the one who's  
always taking chances  
see me down  
so you get down  
no you've got me all wrong  
I just want to kiss your lips  
and you kiss back

-"Stay Away", Rooney

~*~

"Colin," Ephram gasped as he threw his head back for air. Colin grinned as he began to work on the buttons of Ephram's shirt while Ephram unbuckled Colin's belt. "Colin!" Funny, how Ephram's voice sounded suspiciously like Bright's.

"Colin!" He nearly fell off the bed when Bright pushed him over. Rubbing his eyes, he looked over at his friend. _What would he think if he knew what I was dreaming? _"Wow, that looked like some dream you were having." Bright grinned knowingly. "Was it about Amy? Wait," Bright said quickly, suddenly disgusted, "if it was, don't tell me."

"It wasn't about Amy," Colin promised.

"We have to go to breakfast," Bright told him, nearly stepping on the head of his actual roommate who he'd forced to sleep on the floor. "So what's the deal with sleeping in here again? What happened to Ephram?"

"Oh," Colin said, quickly remembering his lie, "he, uh- he snores."

Bright rolled his eyes. "Dork." He got off the bed and headed to the bathroom.

~*~

Ephram desperately tried to rub the sleep out of his eyes as he grabbed a Pop-Tart in the dining hall. Maybe if he face-planted into a bowl of milk he'd be awake. Hopefully, good old-fashioned, teeth-rotting sugar would knock him into the land of the conscious.

He hadn't been able to sleep all night. The Colin thing totally had him confused. And what exactly _was_ the Colin thing? Ephram had no idea what was going on with Colin _or himself._

Grabbing a bowl of Rice Krispies and a mini-carton of milk, he sat himself down at an empty table. _OK_, he mentally declared. _Let's get the facts straight. Colin likes you. Colin wants to have a relationship with you. Colin kissed you and you kissed back. But do I like Colin?_

He looked up and found Colin eating breakfast over at the Popular Kids table. Normally Ephram would be over there, but his fight with Colin had caused his usual seat to be filled by someone else. Ephram swallowed hard when he saw the sweatshirt Colin was wearing twist around his torso, pulling up his T-shirt and exposing soft skin. Ephram could almost feel it against his palm, warm and soft. He was very happy that there was a tablecloth covering his legs as he felt an erection coming on._ Yeah… it's safe to say I like Colin._

He caught a glance at Amy. She looked sort of despondent as she dug into her waffles, and Ephram remembered the fight she and Colin had the day before. It would kill her to know he and Colin were gay. _Whoa. How did I get into this? I'm not gay._

_Oh please, you moron_, a part of his mind sighed. Ephram thought back to New York. There had been friends- guy friends- who'd he'd found attractive. Of course, they all had their own Gwen Stefani/Avril-lookalike girlfriends, so the attraction never went farther then, well, attraction. In the meantime, he'd dated girls, but not for very long. He'd always been the one to end it, however. And when he found one he liked, she'd been unattainable, like Amy was. 

A light bulb appeared. _Oh God_, Ephram realized, _I've always been gay._ He took a bite of his Pop-Tart. _Figures. I can't figure out girls, so why should guys be any easier?_

He looked down at his breakfast. The krispies were soggy from the milk and no longer snapping, crackling, or popping. Besides, he was wide-awake now.

~*~

"Colin," he heard Amy say as they left the dining room. He winced; he'd spotted Ephram staring when they were eating breakfast and he'd wanted to talk to him. Colin spun around, to find Amy running up to him. "Hey," she greeted him cheerily. "Can we talk?"

"Sure," Colin answered with a shrug. She pulled him into the lounge and onto the couch Ephram had been sitting on yesterday. Amy sighed. "I just want to say, I'm sorry for yesterday. I was pushing you too hard."

_No kidding_, Colin thought, but didn't say it aloud. "It's OK."

"It's just that- I just wish things could be like the way they were, you know?"

"I don't know." Colin was surprised to hear that for once, what he was thinking was coming out of his mouth. "I wasn't there."

"Colin, what's wrong with you? You _were_ there." She was confused. Not nearly as confused as he was.

"No, Amy, the _old_ Colin was there. I am not him, OK? And I can't stand it when you try to pretend I am!"

Amy sat there, mouth open like a fish, grasping for words. "Amy," he began, and then paused. He couldn't think of anything to say but the truth. "I think we should take a break for a while."

"What?" Amy said. Shocked was not enough to describe her face. Horrified, overwhelmed, dismayed- none of them could explain how she looked at that moment.

"I need a break," Colin explained. This was so much easier in his head, when he didn't have to see how pained she looked. "Everything is just so _hard right now, you know? I need time to- to figure it all out."_

"Yeah," Amy agreed, her voice choked up. "I get it." She stood up quickly, and Colin saw a flash of tears in her eyes.

"Amy-"

"I'll see you later, Colin." She hurried out of the lounge.

~*~ 

_Dr. Abbott is the most annoying man ever._ Ephram reconsidered that thought as he began to mold a ball of clay into an angel._ Well, second only to my father_. Ski Trip Activity #16: Christian Clay, which came after Psalm Sing-Along, Debate: Creation vs. Evolution?; and Bible Dictionary. Ephram frowned at his angel; it looked like someone had punched its face in. Frustrated, he squished the angel into a little clay ball.

At the table next to him, Kayla and Paige were talking. "Have you seen Amy?" Kayla was asking, their Play-Doh drying while they gossiped.

"Yeah," Paige replied. "She's a mess. Colin totally messed her up."

"What?" Ephram said quickly, whirling around in his chair to face the girls. They looked at him annoyedly; each one gave him that particular look of disgust saved just for him. "Colin broke up with Amy?"

"Excuse me," Kayla snapped, "but who invited _you_ into this conversation?"

"Colin broke up with Amy?" repeated Ephram, automatically ignoring whatever speech spewed from Kayla's mouth.

"Yeah, this morning," Paige told him. "He wanted to take a break, so he could- what did Amy say? 'Figure things out'."

"She's upstairs, like, sobbing away _right now_," Kayla said matter-of-factly. "Now could you please turn around before your face is permanently implanted on my eyes?"

With a look of annoyance Ephram spun back around in his chair, playing with the clay between his fingers. So Colin had broken up with Amy. For him? That would be kind of sweet; except for the fact Colin wasn't speaking to him because Ephram was such a dumbass he hadn't been able to say, "Yes, Colin, I like you in a 'I-like-to-kiss-boys' way."

_I should really seek therapy_, Ephram decided as he rolled his Play-Doh on the table. Suddenly he couldn't sit there anymore. He left his clay and headed upstairs to his room.

~*~

Colin noticed that as he made his way through the hallways of the lodge back to his room, girls would glare at him, even girls he didn't know. It sent an unpleasant feeling up the back of his neck. _That's weird_, he thought. _What did I do?_

"Colin!" He turned around at the sound of Bright's voice. His eyes were narrowed and the tilt of his head vaguely reminded Colin of a bull ready to charge.

"Hey, Bright."

"What the hell did you say to my sister?" demanded Bright. Colin suddenly felt ill; it never occurred to him how Bright would take the news of their break up. "Did you break up with her?"

"No, I- I said I wanted to take a break for a while. Is she all right?"

"No," Bright told him flatly. "She's in her room, crying." Colin felt like he'd been punched in the stomach. _Congratulations, Colin_, he thought to himself. _You're officially the world's biggest jerk._

"I didn't mean to hurt her," he said softly.

"Well, you did! Colin, Amy's, like, crazy about you-"

"Don't you think I know that?" Guilt was quickly replaced with defensiveness. "I know how she _feels_, Bright. But I can't take it anymore. I can't worry about hurting her all the time when I'm just trying to- to put the pieces together." _How can I explain it to him? _Colin wondered hopelessly. "She deserves better." It was true; Amy deserved a boy who loved her the way she loved Colin. But Colin couldn't give that to her.

Bright looked at Colin in a strange way, as if he'd just put together a puzzle; the expression of sudden intelligence looked strange on Bright. "Yeah. Uh-huh. I get it, man." He stretched out his arm to rest on Colin's shoulder. Colin jerked away from Bright's touch. "I'm going to my room." Bright watched Colin trudge away.

~*~

The hallways were filled with people, holding beer cans, wine bottles, and other bottles of liquid Ephram didn't even want to know about. "Where's Dr. Abbott?" asked Ephram to a random guy in the hall. If people were freely running around with alcohol, there was a very good chance Amy's father was dead.

"He's taking a ride on the ski lift," the guy said with a grin. Ephram took another glance at the hallway party people. _I can't stay out here_, he thought bitterly. _Hanging out too long with people who's IQ is equal to their shoe size will only make me drop in intelligence points._

Ephram pushed his way through the drunk and the slutty to his bedroom, and quickly locked himself inside. He hadn't even noticed the light was already on. "Ephram?" He spun around quickly, to find Colin behind him.

"What are you doing here?" Ephram wished he hadn't said it like that. It sounded like he didn't want to see Colin, when all he wanted was the opposite. He also wished his heart would stop beating like it was trying to jump out of his chest.

"I'll leave, if you want. I just wanted my- toothbrush." Colin looked around the room, and Ephram knew he hadn't really forgotten his toothbrush.

"So, I was thinking, about last night," Ephram began in a tone that sounded casual, or close to it. "I do- like you." Colin looked up from the floor; blue eyes met bluer ones. "In a 'I-like-to-kiss-boys' way."

Colin's face broke into a wide grin. "I was hoping you'd say that." He paused, looking- _what?_ Ephram wondered. _Guilty? Curious? "So, some guys gave Dr. Abbott a sleeping pill. He'll be out all night. It's, like, one big party."_

He began to see what Colin was hinting at. "I'm not really in a party mood," he admitted. Ephram kissed him, gently at first. Colin surged his tongue forward, stroking it along Ephram's, inviting him into his mouth to explore. Ephram wordlessly agreed.

Colin was the first to break away, breathing heavily. His left hand groped for the buttons on Ephram's shirt, but his lone hand was clumsy and unused to such small work. He narrowed his eyes as he tried to work the buttons, but Ephram slowly pushed his hand away and unbuttoned his shirt himself. "I got it," he whispered gently.

He peeled off his shirt, and Colin ran his hand against Ephram's wiry but firm body with a shy grin. Ephram shivered at Colin's cool hand. His lips met Ephram's again, then began to trace their way down his face to his neck. Ephram inhaled deeply, making sure Colin's peppermint-pine-aftershave scent was imprinted onto his brain. Gingerly his tongue darted out, tickling Colin's ear. Colin stopped sucking on Ephram's neck for a minute to laugh. "That tickles."

"It's cold," Ephram told him quietly, although the music blaring in the hall was so loud no one could have heard what they were doing. Confidently Colin pressed his body against Ephram's. Ephram pulled at Colin's sweatshirt, dragging it up over his head and avoiding his sling. He tossed it aside, admiring Colin's abs through the tight t-shirt he wore. Ephram curved his arms around him, grasping his muscular body from his shoulders to (Ephram's delight) his very squeezable ass.

Ephram took the lead, forcing Colin to the bed as they kissed. He grabbed his waist and pulled him down on top of him. _I'm so glad I pushed the beds together last night_, Ephram thought as Colin's tongue began explore Ephram's chest, sucking at his hard nipples like a bottle of milk as he traced his mouth downward. Colin's mouth reached the top of his jeans, and Ephram could feel Colin's hands work the zipper.

"Wait!" Ephram gasped, looking up quickly. Colin instantly looked hurt, like a kid with his hand caught in the cookie jar. _We can't do this_, Ephram thought. _We can't just have sex! It's-_ He ordered himself to stop himself from thinking, _It's wrong._ "I- I can't."

Colin nodded, his cheeks darkening from rose to crimson. He leaned back on his knees. "But…" Ephram trailed off as he sat on the edge of the bed, his body level with Colin's. "There are other things. That we can do," he added quickly. Colin nodded, smiling as Ephram pulled him into a deep kiss.

~*~

When Colin had been in the hospital, the temperature had always been in the low 60s. But when he stepped outside, he found Colorado freezing. Colin was unprepared for chilly Everwood weather, where the thermometer peaked in the 40s. Plus, his mother liked to keep the house "cool"; Colin didn't like to wake up at 6:30 in the morning for school to find his bedroom nearly below zero. It seemed that the cold was a metaphor for his current mental state; it was like everyone had been invited inside to stay warm and he was left in the snow.

But that morning Colin had woken up warm. He had no blankets on, and the only clothes he wore were his boxers. But the heat of Ephram's body, his arms wrapped around his waist and his legs intertwined with Colin's, was keeping him warm.

He ruffled Ephram's hair. Ephram came across as sullen and sarcastic, but when he slept he looked peaceful, like a baby. Colin took a whiff of Ephram's hair; it smelled fresh and almost flowery, although Ephram surely wouldn't appreciate hearing that.

Ephram blinked his eyes and peeled his arms off Colin. "Morning, sunshine," Colin greeted him. Even Ephram's eyes had a shade of baby blue mixed within the muddled green-gray.

"You sound like my grandma," Ephram replied tartly, wiping the sleep from his eyes. He looked down at himself, dressed only in his briefs. Then he glanced over at Colin, an amused look on his face. "They should put this on a postcard for the lodge. You know, 'Two More Satisfied Customers'."

Colin snorted. He glanced over at the clock on the wall and his smile faded. "It's eight o'clock. Breakfast was half an hour ago."

"Shit," Ephram moaned, getting off the bed. He bent down to the floor, pulling on yesterday's pants. "So, is this it?"

"Is what it?" Colin asked as he began to search his suitcase for clean clothes.

"I mean, was this a one-time thing? You know, like on 'Friends', when Chandler and Monica are in London, and they do it, and-" Ephram noticed Colin's completely confused expression. "And you have no idea what I'm talking about."

"No. But I don't want this to be a one-time thing. I want this to be a… full-time thing." Colin waited for Ephram to respond. "Is that cool with you?"

To his surprise, Ephram smiled. "Yeah. That's cool."

~*~

The bus ride back to Everwood was perhaps the worst three hours of Colin the Second's life, considering that they were being led in catechism by a nun and Amy's friends were shooting Colin mean looks every minute or so. Plus Ephram was sitting right next to him. Colin's arms ached not to be touching him. He couldn't help but notice every few seconds that when Ephram was flushed his cheeks were the perfect shade of rose, or his hands were finely shaped and as graceful as if carved out of wood or molded out of clay. Colin wanted those hands on his body, keeping him warm, making him feel like he was complete, to assure him that the big gaps in his memory were all right, and that Ephram would still care about him no matter what.

He stepped off the bus three hours later. Ephram was a few steps behind him. "So… I'll see you around?" Colin said quickly.

Ephram smiled, a sincere smile that made Colin's body become very hot all of a sudden. "I'll call you," he promised. He waved good-bye as he went to meet his father. Colin waved back.

He turned to the sound of his name being called. His mother and Laynie were waiting at the car. He picked up his bags and headed over.

"Did you have fun this weekend?" Mrs. Hart asked.

"No," Laynie said flatly. Colin only smiled.


	3. Family Tree

A/N: I just wanted everyone to know that there will be regular weekly updates of this story every Saturday, and therefore should show up on the site by Sunday evening. So mark your calendars, or something like that.

Plus, _thank you_ for all the kind reviews! Ditey, your comment made me teary. Seriously, that's the sweetest, most heartfelt review I've ever gotten. And liatli-1228, I would have been totally happy if you posted all your funny lines. Stuff like that makes my day. And, yes, the whole "Bright understanding" thing will come into play, but besides that, I find Bright a very astute character in terms of empathy. He's very good about reading people's emotions (i.e. telling Ephram to go to a party because he's "the only one who can make [his] sister smile"). Yeah, anyway, here's chapter three.

~*~

But who am I to preach a word or two  
when I can't lift my own head without you?  
If my mental state kept you from coming around  
I hope the world would shoot me down for losing you.  
A broken branch I'd be if you weren't grown to me

-"Family Tree", Ben Kweller

~*~

"Ephram?" called Dr. Brown, knocking on his son's door. "What are you two doing in here?"

The boy loosened his lips from Colin's for a brief moment. "We're studying, Dad!" Colin reached over to the stereo and turned down the volume on Incubus, panting.

"I'm taking Delia out for ice cream, do you boys want anything?"

"No thanks, Dr. Brown!" replied Colin, trying not to sound too short of breath.

"We'll be back in half an hour." The boys waited as they listened to Dr. Brown walk downstairs and out of the house.

"Thought he'd never leave," Ephram said. He pressed his lips onto Colin's, letting his body relax. They'd been "studying" for the same test for more than two weeks, and both boys were finding their makeout sessions more relaxing than nerve-wracking. Roaming hands and sloppy tongues had become soft kisses and slow stroking of thighs and chests, followed by enthused smiles and comfortable silence.

"When's your dad gonna figure out," Colin wondered, laughing a little as Ephram began to nibble away at his ear, "that we're not actually studying?"

"Never, hopefully," Ephram replied heavily. Colin lay back on the bed, Ephram at his side. He liked it when Ephram's head was resting on his shoulder like it was now, and Ephram's hand was locked with his. "So, do you know what Friday is?"

"No, what?" Colin lied, turning the stereo off.

"Valentine's Day," Ephram told him. "Maybe you'd wanna hang out here with me? Delia's sleeping over next door, and hopefully my Dad will find something to do with himself besides being a wet blanket." Ephram waited nervously. Valentine's Day held a certain connotation. Now they weren't just "boys healthily exploring their sexuality"; this was like… a date.

"Sure, I don't have any plans." Ephram frowned and lifted his head from Colin's shoulder. There was no way of masking the guilt in his voice. Colin ignored the questioning look Ephram was giving him. "What?" he said naïvely.

"What's bothering you? Something is, I can tell."

The boy smiled sheepishly. "You think you know me so well, don't you?" Despite his tone, Colin grew serious. "It's Amy. I feel like such a jerk for breaking up with her a week before Valentine's."

"It's OK. You are one." 

Colin tried to give Ephram a withering glare, but let a smile slip through as Ephram rested his hand on Colin's leg. "The feeling's mutual," he joked. He frowned, his face becoming pensive. Ephram tried very hard not to stroke him or nuzzle him as he spoke. "But, she really wants us to get back together. And my parents keep asking me why I broke with her. I think they want us back together, too. I don't know what to tell them."

"Why don't you just tell them the truth? That would go over really well. 'Mom, Dad, I broke up with Amy because I enjoy making out with the extremely attractive Ephram Brown'. Don't forget the extremely attractive part."

"Seriously, though." Colin stopped looking at Ephram, instead focusing on the anime poster on the wall. "Do you ever think about telling anyone?"

Ephram shrugged, looking tense. "Not really. I'm just waiting to see if after you, I'm ready to head back to Girls Town." Colin opened his mouth to protest. "That was a joke, Colin." His gaping mouth turned into a slow but uncomfortable smile; every time Colin brought up telling anyone about their relationship Ephram had to make a joke or change the subject. "So, Valentine's Day. Are you coming here? I'll rent a movie, possibly something from the Monty Python oeuvre, we'll make out for most of it, and maybe I'll buy you a heart-shaped box of chocolates."

"Sounds perfect," replied Colin, this time smiling for real. God, he could never describe how good it felt to be with Ephram. "Could we get those hearts with the words on 'em?"

"Sure," replied Ephram briskly as he moved his mouth to meet Colin's.

~*~

At his locker the next day, Colin whipped out his pad of paper and a pen.

Ideas for V-Day Gifts

1.  A CD

2. A manga

3. A piano

Colin scribbled the last one out. Ephram had told him they'd left their grand piano in New York at his grandparents' house, because it was too big to fit in the Browns' house. It was awesome to watch Ephram play the piano; it was like when Colin stopped pretending to be Colin the First, and you saw the actual person underneath. Before Dr. Brown had brought Delia home last night, Ephram had let Colin watch him practice the piece he was going to play for his recital._ "If it makes you nervous, you don't have to play," Colin had said. _

_Ephram had shaken his head, looking bashful. "I'll probably play better."_

A smile appeared on Colin's face. Ephram could play Mr. A-Smile-Will-Break-My-Face all he wanted to, but he could see his face lighting up as he rolled a Steinway into the Brown living room. A burst of unrestrained joy filled him at the thought.

"Colin." At the sound of his name Colin stuffed the pad of paper in his pocket. He turned to the speaker who approached him; Amy. Just seeing her face made Colin feel guilty for even _thinking_ about pleasing Ephram when he'd hurt Amy so the boys could have a relationship. 

"Hey, Amy," he greeted her.

"Hey," she replied. "I wanted to ask you something."

"Go ahead." Colin prayed the question was _not_ "Can we get back together?"

"Um, some of us are going out to see a movie on Friday, as a big group. Bright and Gemma will be there. Do you wanna go?" Her cheeks were bright pink and she seemed so nervous, like she was afraid Colin was going to yell at her, or hit her or something. _I am the biggest jerk_, Colin thought again for the thousandth time.

"I'm sorry, I have plans," he said. He was sorry, especially when she quickly looked away and her eyes became glassy.

"That's cool. Um, OK. I guess I'll just see you around." She made a beeline for the math room across the hall.

"Amy!" Colin called. She turned around. "I'm sorry."

"I know you are," she replied as she entered the classroom, but Colin couldn't tell if she meant her words.

~*~

"Hey," Colin said as he sat down with Ephram in the lunchroom.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?" Ephram said, voice full of faux surprise. "The realm of the Popular People is over by the windows."

"Turns out I'm not so welcome there anymore." Colin began to rip the top of a pudding cup.

Ephram took Colin's bag of chips from his tray and ripped them open. Colin smiled as he began to crunch away. "Why not?"

"Well, the girls-" Colin jabbed a spoon towards Amy, Paige, and Kayla- "have decided I am no longer welcome there. Bright tried to save me a seat but…" Colin sighed. "Whatever. I'd rather sit here anyway."

"Cool with me," Ephram said coolly.

"So, you need to get me a gift," Colin began. "I have yours picked out."

Ephram looked around the lunchroom, checking for suspicious faces. "Not so loud. You don't people to think… stuff, do you?"

_Whoa_, Colin thought. It hurt a little, that Ephram was so afraid of people finding out about them. "OK," he said cautiously.

Ephram seemed to notice Colin's tension and changed the subject. "So what am I going to get you? Do you like CDs?"

"I don't know," Colin admitted. "The music I have from before I was, you know, a big drool machine- Don't laugh!" Ephram struggled to hide his amusement. "I'm not really into it. It's all rap and stuff. I listen to it and feel like I should be liking it, but I'm not."

"OK, then, I'll get you something non-rap and stuff." The bell rang. "That was fast."

"I gotta get to class," Colin said quickly, finishing off his pudding. "I'll see you later."

"Yeah. 'Bye."

~*~

Ephram sat at his computer, looking through his downloaded music files. He wasn't sure what Colin would want to listen to. A classic rock collection, like the Beatles and the Clash? A classical mix, like Bach and Schubert? He frowned and opened his other web page. He'd searched "gay sex", and now he was being assaulted with pop-ups asking him if he wanted to look at "HOTFRATGUYS" or "HORNYTEENSONSPRINGBREAK".

One pop-up caught his eye. He stared at the two guys on the screen. _How do people get in that position?_ he wondered. 

"Hey," he heard his father say as he opened the door to his room. Ephram slammed the laptop shut, his heart pounding.

"So have we decided to skip the formality of the knock altogether and just barge in?" Ephram inquired nervously. Dr. Brown smiled.

"So, do you feel like an anti-Valentine evening for the dateless losers?" the doctor asked cheekily.

Ephram smiled. The joke wasn't that funny, but lately he'd been in such a good mood he felt like being nice to his dad. The planets were obviously out of alignment and Earth was making its way into a black hole. "Actually, Colin's coming over to hang. We're gonna watch a movie." He held up the _Monty Python and the Holy Grail box sitting on his desk. Dr. Brown raised his eyebrows._

"That's great! Delia was going to sleep over at Sam's tonight because I thought we'd be out, but now they can stay here, give Nina a break."

"What?" Ephram burst out. Dr. Brown looked surprised at his reaction. "I mean, I thought it was just going to be 'just the guys', you know? Just me and Colin."

"Well, they'll fall asleep by ten anyway, then you two can chill." Dr. Brown grimaced. The word sounded incredibly awkward in the older man's mouth. "Maybe Colin can even spend the night-"

"OK! I mean, that- that'd be cool."

~*~

"Thanks for the ride, Mom," Colin told his mother as he put his hand on the car door handle. His mother grabbed his shoulder, pulling him back towards her.

"You and Ephram have been together a lot lately," his mother said. "Is everything all right with you and Amy and Bright? Maybe you could invite them over to watch a movie or something."

"They're fine," Colin lied. He and Bright were all right, but he and Amy…ugh. He really wasn't in the mood to get depressed now. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Call me by noon," Mrs. Hart ordered as her son got out of the car, clutching a duffel bag.

"I will." Colin walked to the Browns' door and rang the doorbell. Ephram answered quickly. In the background Colin could hear what sounded like a Disney cartoon. "Not exactly what I think of when I think date movie," Colin told him, peering into the living room and seeing two small children on the couch watching _The Little Mermaid._

"My dad thought it'd be a _great_ idea if Sam and Delia had a sleepover over here tonight," Ephram said sardonically as he led Colin into the house. He took Colin's coat and hung it on the hat rack.

"Please, tell me you're kidding."

"I wish I was" was Ephram's acidic reply. The boy rolled his eyes good-naturedly and took Colin's bag. "Let's go into the kitchen."

Colin followed him into the kitchen. "Sit here," Ephram ordered, pointing to a seat at the island in the center of the kitchen. Colin followed the order and was about to lower himself into the chair when he saw something on the seat. With a grin he picked up a pink conversation heart. _Be Mine, it read. "You shouldn't have," Colin quipped, popping the heart into his mouth._

"I know, but I only want the best you," Ephram cooed sarcastically, motioning to the bag of conversation hearts on the table. He handed Colin a square wrapped in pink paper covered with red hearts. "Happy Valentine's Day."

With a shaking hand Colin took the square. He unwrapped it slowly. It was a CD. His eyes ran down the list of names and titles: The Beatles, the Clash, the Strokes, Al Green, Bach… He knew some names but not all of them. But at the very bottom it said: _Made by Ephram_.

"Ephram…"

"It took me a few hours to narrow down the choices. I hope you like it."

Colin looked up at Ephram. "I know I will," Colin promised. After a silent moment he said, "Your present's in my bag. Right on top."

Ephram sat next to his boyfriend at the island and zipped open Colin's bag. He raised his eyebrows when he removed the comic book. "_How to Draw Manga," read Ephram._

"Do you like it?" Colin asked uncertainly. "I saw it in the comic book shop and thought- what? You look… kinda weird."

Ephram didn't even hear what Colin had said. It had been nearly a year since the last person who had really understood him had died, and he thought he was all alone. But Colin- he just _got_ him; it just clicked. "No, no, it's perfect," he said, sounding awed. His gaze traveled from the book back to Colin. Ephram stood and wrapped his arms around Colin. The seated boy spread his legs, allowing Ephram to hold him closer. They kissed.

There was a loud gasp. Both boys turned to the entrance of the kitchen, where Delia stood with her expressive eyes clearly shocked.

~*~

"Once upon a time," Ephram began as he tucked Delia into bed, "there was a prince named Ephram. He lived in the kingdom of Everwood and another prince lived in the kingdom, named Colin. And the two princes, well, they liked each other."

Delia nodded. "In a gay way?"

"Delia!" Ephram said, not even trying not to be shocked. "How do you know about that?"

"I know a lot more than people think I do. I listen."

Ephram almost began to argue with her, but changed his mind. "Back to the story," he said, smoothing out her quilt. "So the two princes kept their relationship secret. But one of the prince's sisters, Princess Delia, found out. But Prince Ephram made her promise to keep their relationship secret when he threatened to blackmail her." Ephram stood up. "So what's the moral of the story?"

"Slow and steady wins the race?" she guessed. 

"No. The moral is, you don't tell anyone about Colin and me, and I don't take your baseball caps and throw them into the fireplace." Ephram bent over and kissed his sister's head. "Guess Sam fell asleep?" The little boy was laying in his sleeping bag on the floor, snoring. "Goodnight, Delia."

"Goodnight." Ephram walked to the door of Delia's room. "Ephram?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you love Colin?" She watched as her brother become awkward and fidget.

"I-I don't know, love's kinda a- a weird word-"

"I think being gay is OK. And if Colin makes you happy, that's OK too."

Ephram grinned. "Goodnight. Love you."

"Love you, too." Ephram opened the door, flipped off the light, and closed the door behind him. Colin was waiting, back to the wall. He stared at Ephram like a famous painting, something he'd only seen in books but now got the chance to see up close.

"Jesus, Ephram," he said. "How do you do that?"

"Uh… do what?"

"Like…" Colin lowered his head, deep in thought. "You just have this way of saying the right thing, y'know? It's just perfect."

Ephram had no idea what he was talking about.  "Thanks. I just hope Delia doesn't tell anyone."

"Me too." Colin smiled shyly. "I'm kind of tired. Let's go to your room."

"And do what?" Ephram said, following him.

"Do I really need to tell you?"


	4. A Perfect Sonnet

But I believe that lovers should be tied together and  
thrown into the ocean in the worst of weather  
and left there to drown  
left there to drown  
in their innocence 

-"A Perfect Sonnet", Bright Eyes

~*~

Ephram knocked on the door, his hand slightly quivering. Two days after Valentine's Day Colin went to Denver for a check-up. A _ten_-_day_ long check-up. Ephram had been waiting for what felt like an eternity to see his boyfriend again.

Yes, boyfriend. He'd finally gotten used to thinking it, and even saying it aloud (only to Colin, of course). Ephram grinned to himself, of how good it would be to touch him again, to be near him again.

The door to the Harts house opened. "Hi," Colin said. Ephram looked him over. His hair seemed longer, his eyes brighter. No sling on his arm_. A new-and-improved Colin, thought Ephram. "Miss me?" Ephram hesitated to speak. "My parents are out to dinner, and Laynie's out with a friend," Colin explained._

Ephram walked inside and followed Colin upstairs. "Not really," he said. "I found an agency that for ten bucks an hour will send over Colin Hart look-alikes. I kept myself occupied."

"Well," Colin said as he led Ephram into his bedroom. "_I missed _you_." He went up to Ephram, stroking his hair. "God, I forgot how beautiful you are."_

"Don't worry about it; I like the reminders." They kissed, briefly. Ephram pulled away, bringing his fingers to trace the edges of Colin's mouth. "Did I ever tell you how perfect your lips are?"

Ephram could _hear_ himself saying these cheesy things, and yet could not stop himself. It was as if the connection between his brain and his mouth had been severed, and replaced by dialogue from a Julia Roberts movie.

"No." They kissed again. "You have perfect eyes. They're the perfect shade of blue. Or green. Or gray." Colin frowned slightly. "They're really kinda strange."

"There _is_ a compliment hiding in that statement somewhere, right?" Ephram looked around Colin's bedroom, admiring the plentiful stack of comics in the corner. "Nice room." He watched Colin close the door, and gave him a "what-the-hell?" look. "Jessica Simpson?"

Colin looked at the poster on the back of his door. "I guess I used to like her, you know, B.C."

"Before Coma?" guessed Ephram as he made himself comfortable on Colin's bed. Colin nodded. He went over to his stereo and pushed a button. A soft piano piece from Ephram's CD filled the room. "And replacing that with a picture of, say, my naked body, would probably tip off your parents to your absolute gayness."

"Your naked body? Trying to turn me on?" Colin laid down beside him with a grin.

"Do or do not, there is no _try_," joked Ephram as he wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's waist. He felt Colin's hands begin to creep up his back and travel along his spine as he leaned in closer to Ephram. Ephram turned his head before their lips could meet, squirming out of Colin's touch. Colin let him move away, his forehead creasing.

"Something's wrong." It was a statement, not a question. It was both creepy yet fascinating that Colin could hone in on Ephram's moods, like radar or that guy from _The Dead Zone. _

"I don't really feel up to it right now. Could we just lay here?" He rested his head near Colin's shoulder, feeling his boyfriend's breath ruffle on his hair. Two warm arms wrapped around his waist. Ephram closed his eyes. "I'm going to New York in a couple of days, for three days."

"Why?"

"We're unveiling my mom's tombstone. It's a big Jewish thing." Ephram let his body sink into the nooks and crannies of Colin's. That way it felt like they were one person, entwined with one another. It was more comfortable to lie like that.

"I'm sorry." Ephram felt Colin's hand reach up to stroke his hair. Ephram liked the way it felt to have Colin ruffle his hair, like a puppy. What was wrong with him? Where had this sudden need to feel cute and fuzzy come from? Where had his cynicism gone? Most likely down the Black Hole of Impending Relationship Doom.

Ah; he'd found his cynicism.

They were still for a moment, until Colin abruptly broke the silence. "I- I don't know what to do."

"Do?" Ephram asked, surprised. He rolled over to face Colin. Colin started to stroke Ephram's cheek. 

"What to do- for you. To make you feel better." Colin licked his lips. "I love you and I want you to be happy."

"You what?" Ephram said quickly. Colin's own eyes were wide; it was as if the words had come out without his brain's permission. "What did you say?"

"I said I love you," Colin repeated slowly. The sounds of Pachelbel's Canon in D Major hummed through the air. "And I meant it- I mean it." He swallowed hard, looking at Ephram with a 'don't-you-have-something-to-say-back?' look.

_Colin loves me?_ thought Ephram. No one had ever told him that before, besides his mom or dad or anyone else in his family. Ephram had told his father he loved Amy, but he loved the _idea of Amy; with her he wanted one of those contrived fairy-tale romances, with the steady Friday night date, the three-month anniversary and the standing prom date. But with Colin, there was nothing contrived or fairy tale about it. It was real, and Ephram was happy. Happier than he'd been in a while. And that was how he knew._

He opened his mouth to speak, but no sound came out. It was as if the words were trapped in his throat. "C-Colin?"

"Yeah?" he replied nervously.

"I- I love you."

"I love you, too." Their kiss this time was a thirst-quenching one, making up for ten days of loneliness. While focused on Colin, in the back of Ephram's mind he wondered how much longer their happiness could last.

~*~

At eleven, Colin saw Ephram to the front door, waving to him as his father drove him away. Just as the car turned the corner Colin slammed the door shut and hurried back upstairs to the bathroom just as the contents of his dinner rose from his stomach.

He flushed the toilet and rinsed his sore throat out with water, splashing some onto his face. _Glad Ephram wasn't here for this_, he thought. He didn't want Ephram to have to deal with his constant bouts of nausea. Colin had been throwing up for the last few days, but the hospital had passed it off as a "nervous stomach", like his mother had told the staff. But somehow it felt like more than that. He'd wanted to tell Ephram, but he sounded so distressed over returning to New York that Colin thought it would be unfair to burden him with _his_ issues. Colin rubbed his raw eyes and went back to his bedroom, hoping he could sleep off whatever flu or sickness was coming his way.

~*~

Amy knocked on the door of the bathroom. "Bright?" she called, her voice brimming with aggravation. "I need to take a shower."

"I'm busy!" he shouted back.

"Masturbating doesn't _count_, Bright."

She heard him groan with contempt through the door as he brushed his teeth. Finally the door opened. "Happy now?" Bright said, his temper near its breaking point.

"Only if you didn't use all the hot water," Amy snapped.

"What's your problem?" Bright asked angrily. "You've been bitching ever since-" He stopped. Amy suddenly turned into the Ice Queen.

"Ever since _what_, Bright? Colin, the boy who I sacrificed, oh, I don't know, a piece of my entire _life for dumped me? Well, I'm sorry, but it's a little hard to get over." She slammed the door shut. Bright listened as she turned on the faucet in the sink, but he could hear her sniffles over the water._

"Amy-" Bright leaned his head back against the wall. "Look, do you want me to talk to him? It's been, like-" Bright frowned, trying to remember. "-a long time since the trip. Maybe he's OK now. Or you could talk to him. You guys should talk." He was quiet as he waited for his sister's answer.

"I don't need your help, Bright." The shower went on, and Bright walked away.

~*~

Ephram exited the locker room and sat down on the bleachers in the gym. Colin was on the opposite side of the bleachers, talking to some other guys. A slight sensation ran through him as Colin licked his lips between words of a story he was telling.

"All right, settle down!" the coach ordered. "Because the gym is being prepped for the school dance, we're having study hall for the period today." Some guys cheered; some guys groaned. "Get back into the locker room and get dressed." The boys did as they were told, leaping off the bleachers and running to the locker room.

Ephram and Colin went to their lockers. "So, study hall," Colin said casually. His boyfriend raised an eyebrow. "Yes, Colin. And next period is math, then lunch-"

"You know, we don't have to go to gym." They ignored the swarm of boys who changed quickly and headed out to the bleachers. Soon the locker room was quiet. "Maybe we should just stay in here all period. They won't miss us."

Ephram couldn't stop his skeptical smile. "And do what, may I ask?"

"C'mon, Ephram. You're the son of a brain surgeon." Colin tore off his t-shirt and stuffed it in his locker. He grinned seductively.

"Now, that's not fair," Ephram told him, his eyes widening slightly. "You know when you show off your- body, I have no choice but to do whatever you ask. It's like _I Dream of Jeannie_, but without the harem dancers and- and you have no idea what I'm talking about."

"No, not really," Colin admitted. "Please?" He put his hands on Ephram's face, then slowly let them trace down his neck, over his shoulders, down Ephram's shirt, cradling them around Ephram's-  
  
Colin grinned as Ephram's face lit up like a candle in a dark room. Ephram laughed nervously. "Damn. Why do I have no control when it comes to you?" 

~*~

Amy hated herself. She hated every pore of her skin, every hair follicle, every single cell. She felt like half a person. That's what she was, right? After spending so much time campaigning for Colin, being there for Colin, she felt like part of him. After all, she knew him better than he knew himself. And then he dumped her, and she lost a piece of herself.

She wandered aimlessly through the halls; she had a study hall right now, and was looking for a place to spend the next forty-five minutes. Amy passed the cafeteria and the library, and was about to pass the gym when she peered inside and saw the P.E. class exit the locker room and sit back down on the bleachers as the Dance Committee stuck paper flowers and streamers up on the walls. It was seventh period; Colin's class period. Amy hadn't seen Colin leave the locker room. Maybe he was still in there?

A hint of a smile graced her joyless face. This was the perfect time to go and finally have a real conversation with him, and explain to him why they belonged with each other.

~*~

Ephram pressed his lips onto Colin's forcefully. He pulled back, moving his mouth down to form a new hickey on Colin's neck. Sweat soaked the back of his t-shirt as Colin began to lick Ephram's ear. Their mouths met again, tongues tangled together. With his two hands Colin pulled Ephram's gym shirt off and tossed it aside.

Amy gingerly walked into the locker room. She could hear heavy breathing coming from the other side of the room. A red thing suddenly went flying through the air and landed on the ground beside him. It was a County High t-shirt, one way too small for Colin. "Oh my God," she whispered as she picked up the shirt. Someone besides Colin was in the locker room. _Another girl? Amy thought immediately. She clenched her hands into fists. It would hurt to see who Colin chose over her, but curiosity was driving her insane._

Colin kissed his way down Ephram's neck and across his pale chest, kneeling down as he made his way to Ephram's waist and to the top of his jeans. Ephram looked down at his boyfriend as Colin began to unzipper Ephram's pants. He gripped the edges of the locker behind him, his breathing heavy and hoarse. Squeezing his eyes shut, he wondered, _am I going to lose my virginity in a locker room? Why am I such moron?_

Amy could almost feel her heart stopped when she saw Colin pulling down Ephram's pants, Ephram panting heavily. Her friend's mouth was swollen around the edges. It didn't take a brain surgeon to figure out what was going on. "Oh my God," Amy whispered to herself as she slumped to the ground against a locker, eyes wide and unblinking.

Ephram opened his eyes as he felt Colin pull down his underwear, and felt his heart slow to a stop. "Amy," he gasped as he saw her lifeless body crumble against the wall.

"Trying to make me jealous?" Colin asked as he let Ephram's pants fall to the floor. He grasped for the waistband of his briefs but Ephram shoved his hands away.

"No, she's behind you." Colin turned around. Ephram pulled up his pants, running to Amy. "Amy? Amy!"

"Wh- what's wrong with her?" Colin said nervously as he sat knelt beside Amy and looked into her mannequin-like eyes.

"This happened when you were in the coma. She- she's lost it." Ephram struggled to control his breathing, scrubbing his face with his hands. "We need help- she needs help." He pulled his t-shirt out of Amy's hand and slipped it on, then zippered up his jeans. "I'm gonna get the coach." Colin nodded, his face emotionless as Amy's as he stared back into her hollow face.

~*~

_This is all my fault. _Five words rang throughout Colin's head, from the locker room to the ambulance to the hospital waiting room. _This is all my fault._ Colin looked as catatonic as Amy as Ephram (creatively) explained what happened to Amy.

"Colin." He looked up sharply at the sound of his name. Ephram slid into the seat next to him, holding a package of Pop-Tarts. "Want one?"

"No," he said softly.

"Come on, they'll rot your teeth and go straight to your thighs, but until then, you'll be able to savor the fake-" Ephram quickly looked at the package "-chocolate s'more flavor."

"No thanks," Colin told him, more firmly. Ephram nodded and took a glance around the nearly empty waiting room. Then, slowly, his hand slipped into Colin's. He squeezed tightly.

"This is all my fault," Colin said, his voice lacking any feeling.

Ephram frowned. "How is this-"

"Bright said Amy barely eats anymore. She locks herself in her room after school and doesn't come out until the next morning. She's failing most of her classes." Colin tightened his grip on Ephram's hand. "And that all started when I broke up with her. I _broke_ her." The words sounded so strange, like Amy was a china doll sitting on a mantle that Colin had brushed against by accident.

"Don't, Colin." Warm reassurance was present in his voice, so confident that it scared Colin as much as it comforted him. "I did the same thing after my mom died. She was coming to my piano recital when she had her accident. I blamed myself for months until I realized that- that things happen for a reason, you know? We do what we do because we have no choice. Don't blame yourself for this, Colin. It's not your fault."

Colin nodded. "I love you," he whispered.

Ephram squeezed his hand tightly. "Me too." The Abbotts walked into the waiting room. Ephram dropped Colin's hand like a hot coal. Mrs. Abbott's eyes were red around the rims. Bright was silent.

"How's Amy?" Colin asked immediately, he and Ephram standing up.

"We don't know," Dr. Abbott said plainly, wrapping an arm around his wife's shoulders. "She's seeing a psychiatrist now." He clearly didn't enjoy the idea of his daughter talking to someone about her problems beside him, let alone a complete stranger.

"So she's…awake," Ephram said awkwardly, not knowing what word to use for Amy's condition.

"What happened, boys?" Mrs. Abbott said, her throat tight. "Only something terrible would have caused this."

_Terrible_, Ephram repeated in his mind. _Like two fags in the locker room, kissing? Is that terrible?_ He wished someone could answer his question for him.

Colin looked at Ephram nervously as he stuttered for an answer. "Maybe we should wait to see what Amy says," Bright jumped in. Colin noticed that Bright wasn't looking at either him or Ephram.

"All right, then. We'll wait," Mrs. Abbott agreed, reaching into her purse and pressing a tissue to the corners of her eyes.

"Why don't we get some coffee, dear," Dr. Abbott suggested gently. A bit of droll humor appeared in his face as he escorted his wife away. "It most likely will have the consistency of a mud pie, but some half-competent nurse will make to brew some edible for consumption…"

The boys watched the Abbotts go off in search of beverages. Colin looked at Bright. "Why did you do that?" he asked suspiciously.

"'Cause I'm not stupid, OK?" Bright replied defensively. 

Bright wasn't even listening. "You two are gettin' all-" He held up his two index fingers and pushed them into each other. Ephram snorted. "You know? And I didn't want my mom to go into a coma, too."

Colin raised his eyebrows. "How do you know about the…" He made the same stabbing motions with his fingers.

Bright shrugged. "It doesn't take a rocket surgeon to figure it out. You two are always together…you broke up with Amy right before sleeping in the same room together in the mountains…plus there's all that stuff that happened before you were in the coma. It doesn't take a rocket surgeon."

Colin opened his mouth again, to ask what kind of "stuff" Bright meant, but had second thoughts. This wasn't about him; it was about Amy. "Thanks, man," Colin said, attempting to smile.

"No problem," muttered Bright.

"Excuse me." A young woman approached the boys. "Are you the boys who brought in Amy Abbott?"

"Yeah, and I'm her brother," Bright said quickly. "What's going on? Is she all right?"

"I'm Dr. Matthews. Your sister's been evaluated by the hospital psychiatrist, and is ready for visitors. Where are your parents?"

"Getting some coffee," said Colin. "Can we see her?"

"Sure. I'll just ask the receptionist to page your parents." Dr. Matthews led the boys down a hallway into a small, private room. Amy looked up from her lap at her visitors. Raw guilt and shame ripped through Colin when he saw Amy's totally unfeeling expression. "I'll leave you all alone," Dr. Matthews said as she closed the door to the room.

The four of them waited for someone to speak and break the disturbing quiet. Ephram wondered if he was going to suffocate when- "How could you?" Amy was the one who spoke. "God, Ephram, I thought I could trust you," Amy spat angrily. "You were my friend. How did you convince Colin he's gay? You know how much stress he's under." Ephram just stared at her, all words and quips suddenly lost.

"Convince me?" Colin said sharply. "Am I five years old, Amy? I can't make decisions myself?" Amy opened her mouth and closed it again, apparently speechless. Colin inhaled deeply, trying to calm himself. "Amy, don't blame Ephram. I love you. Just not in the way you want."

"So, what? I don't love _you_ in the way you want?" Amy cried. "And the only one who can give you that is- is _Ephram?" She said his name like a disease as her piercing eyes locked on the object of her rage._

"That's not it!" Colin shouted, feeling anger replace his guilt. "I'm gay, Amy!" All the blood drained from her face, making her look like a ghost.

"Stop it," Ephram told him. "Don't get so mad."

"Tell her, Ephram!" Colin demanded. "Tell her about us!"

Ephram suddenly looked horrified. He glanced at Amy, her expression still and piercing. "I- I don't know. What to say. It's just that we… like each other." _Just say the stupid words, Brown._ "We're gay."

A cool hand took his. There was a smile on Colin's face; Ephram tried to force one onto his own.

"_What?" The boys turned around and dropped their hands. The outburst had come from Mrs. Hart, who had just entered the room with Mr. Hart, Dr. Brown, and the Abbotts._

_Oh, shit_, thought Ephram.


	5. Drive

Sorry for the non-update Saturday. Big, evil social studies project. But now you can enjoy!

~*~

Sometimes I feel the fear of  
uncertainty stinging clear  
and I can't help but ask myself  
how much I'll let the fear take the wheel and steer  
- "Drive", Incubus

~*~

Ephram was strongly identifying with Alice from _Alice in Wonderland_. As the adults in the room stared at him, he wished he had one of those little bottles that said "DRINK ME" that he could chug and instantly become two inches tall. Or he could have one of those little cake things that said "EAT ME" that make him 20 feet tall and he could crush everyone with one stomp of his foot. _Seriously, Brown: therapy, and lots of it_, Ephram thought.

Mrs. Hart was staring at Colin and Ephram, clearly shaken by the thought of having a son who was a homosexual. "You boys aren't _gay_," she said quickly. "What…what are you talking about?"

"I saw them," Amy began. All the eyes in the room fell upon her gaunt face. "I went to find Colin, to talk to him, and found him and Ephram in the locker room, and they were-" She broke off, her throat choked with tears. No more words were needed; the vivid imagination of the adults could fill in the blanks.

Ephram looked at his father quickly when he noticed Dr. Brown's eyes were not on Ephram, but on Colin's neck; specifically, the pretty purple hickey Ephram had left there earlier. _Good move, Ephram_, he mentally chastised himself. "This is a misunderstanding," Mr. Hart said loudly. "My son is not gay."

"Dad-" Colin started to say.

"Not now, son," his father cut him off sharply. "We're going home." Mrs. Hart clutched her son's shoulders. Colin turned around to look at Ephram one more time as his parents led him out of Amy's room.

"We should go, too," Dr. Brown said quietly. Ephram nodded. The Abbotts quickly moved away from the door to let the Browns pass. Ephram followed his father out to the car and jumped in the front seat.

"How did you even know I was here?" Ephram murmured, buckling his seatbelt.

"The school called, and said you and Colin accompanied Amy to the county hospital." Dr. Brown looked at his son in a strange way, that made Ephram feel like he was having a CAT scan or an X-Ray done. What, did he have a gay tumor or something? 

"What you said- are you and he- on Colin's neck-" His eyes became so wide they looked like they'd fall out of their sockets. "Is _that_ what you boys do in your bedroom? 

Ephram suddenly had the urge to throw himself out of the car and onto the highway, preferably while a Mack truck was barreling towards him.

"I'm sorry," Dr. Brown added quickly as he saw the humiliated look on his son's face. "I- I don't know what to do."

"Drive," Ephram told him. "Drive home." His father turned on the ignition and backed out of the parking lot. They were silent for a moment, then-

"Why didn't you tell me, Ephram? That you and Colin were having a relationship."

"Why should I have?"

"Because…I'm your father- and a doctor!- that's why. It's perfectly natural for boys your age to experiment."

"Uh-huh," Ephram said disbelievingly. "Sure, Dad. Did _you_ ever experiment?"

Dr. Brown slammed on the brakes, narrowly avoiding hitting the car in front of them. Ephram turned whiter than usual. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"Well, I do …is this a phase?"

"It's a 30 day trial offer. If I don't like being gay, I get my money back."

"_Ephram_," his father said threateningly.  

~*~

Colin was immediately sent to his room when he got home. That was fine with him; his parents were in the kitchen, yelling at each other so loudly Colin could almost see dust shake from the ceiling. So he slipped into Ephram's CD and played it loud enough to drown out his parents' voices. The first song was a classical piano piece, Schubert's Impromptu 3 and Opus 90. Ephram was going to play it for his recital. Colin scowled; now he was likely never to get within one hundred feet of Ephram again.

There was a knock on the door. "Come in," called Colin, sitting back in bed.

"So I heard you came out today," Laynie greeted her brother tactlessly.

He frowned suspiciously. "You don't look surprised."

His sister shrugged and sat down on the bed. "Well, you know, before you went through a windshield and I left for Estrogen Land, you told me you were going to break up with Amy."

Those words came as a great relief to Colin. If he'd been planning to break up with her, he didn't have to feel like such a jerk for actually doing the breaking up. "Why?"

Laynie frowned, a thoughtful look on her face. "Because you didn't love her, you said. I remember you said, 'I like her and all, but she's not the one for me.' But you've said that about every girlfriend you've ever had." A sly smile crept on her face. "Plus the time I caught you feeling up Bright. Kind of a dead giveaway."

He laughed for a minute, then remembered the situation he was in. "Mom and Dad are pretty freaked out, aren't they?"

"Well, it's not often the Golden Boy comes out and tells everyone he's playing for the other side," Laynie admitted, looking uneasy. "They just don't want to deal with reality. You know. Kind of like the way I don't say anything when I hear you get up in the middle of the night to throw up." Colin glared at her.

"Can we not talk about that, please?"

"Colin, I'm just looking out for you. I know you're sick again."

"I'm not sick."

Laynie sighed. "Then why are you constantly worshipping the porcelain altar? It's not just me; _you_ know you're sick too."

"Get out, Laynie."

"Colin-"

"Get out!" She jumped at the fierceness of his words, the pain in his voice. Laynie nodded as she stood and left the room, her eyes filled with worry. She closed the door.

Colin leaped out of bed and picked up an old trophy sitting on his night table. He didn't know what it was for; it didn't matter, because he didn't remember winning it anyway. He slammed it into the wall. The gold figurine on top shattered into chunks on the floor; cracks covered the fake marble stand. Colin took in a deep breath, and began to pick up the shards of himself off the floor.

~*~

"How long have you been gay?" Dr. Brown wanted to know as he walked into the house. Ephram was already on the staircase.

"Hmm… since 2002, when I saw _The Two Towers_ and realized I was more attracted to Orlando Bloom than Liv Tyler." Ephram went to his room and slammed the door.

"That's not funny!" Dr. Brown shouted as he followed his son upstairs. Loud, bass-heavy music emanated from Ephram's room. His father sighed heavily as he knocked on the door. "Ephram, I just want to talk to you. I want you to know I love you no matter your sexual preference."

The door swung open, with Ephram's angry face peering out of it. "_Preference?" he said, his voice coming close to breaking. "Dad, if I had a choice about being gay, I wouldn't be." Before Dr. Brown could speak the door slammed shut again._

Delia came out of her bedroom, obviously perturbed by the door slamming. "What's wrong?"

Dr. Brown knelt down to look his daughter eye-to-eye. "Delia… do you know what being gay is?"

"Sure. It's when boys like boys, like Ephram and Colin." Ephram's door opened instantaneously. Dr. Brown looked up at his son in shock.

"_She knows?" Dr. Brown said incredulously. "Your _little sister_ knew you were gay before I did?"_

"That's only because she walked in on us," Ephram explained hastily. Dr. Brown looked nauseous as he pondered the many connotations of that sentence.

Ephram turned to his sister angrily. "That's it; your Yankee caps are going to disappear in your sleep."

"Da-_ad!"_

"How long has this… have you and Colin been… dating? Is that the word?"

Ephram looked like he didn't want to talk about it, but he didn't slam his door or walk away. "Since the ski trip."

"That's…" Dr. Brown took a moment to calculate the dates. "That's over a month!"

"Congratulations, Dad; you can calculate dates. Now if excuse me, I have go back to my regularly scheduled sulking." He slammed his bedroom door shut.

Delia looked at her father, her innocent face twisted with confusion. "Why is it such a big deal? Ephram loves Colin. Does it matter if it's a boy or a girl?"

Dr. Brown thought over his youngest child's words. "No, sweetheart, I guess not." He stood up. "Delia, honey, why don't you go over to Nina's and play with Sam? Tell Nina I'll give her a call later." Delia obliged, hurrying down the stairs.

Pausing to knock, Dr. Brown pushed his way into Ephram's room. His headphones already strapped to his ears, he slid into his unmade bed at the sight of his father.

"Look, right now, I'm going to talk, and you're going to listen and not say anything snarky, all right?" Ephram yanked off his headphones. "I will admit, it's a little shocking to find out that you have homosexual feelings. But that doesn't mean your sister or I love you any less."

Ephram swallowed away the lump building in his throat. "It's not just… feelings, Dad. I'm gay."

Did he really say it? Maybe he only imagined it. No, he had said it; he could tell by the suddenly throbbing vein in his father's temple. Dr. Brown looked at his son gravely, sitting down beside him. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I am." Both men sat in silence. Finally, Dr. Brown grabbed Ephram and pulled him into a hug. "I love you, no matter who you choose to love. Delia feels the same way… and so would your mother."

He nodded, his chin grazing his father's flannel shirt as he tried to swallow the lump in his throat. His mother. God, there was a memory he didn't want to be reminded of. "Thanks, Dad," he managed to choke out.

His father released him, an uneasy smile on his face. "I'll let you be alone," he told him, leaving the room and shutting the door behind him. Ephram watched him leave, and let out a deep breath.

~*~

Dinner at the Hart house was especially painful that night. Laynie made up some excuse for studying for an exam with a friend, and had to reassure her parents it wasn't the kind of "studying" Colin and Ephram had been doing. So Colin was forced to brave his parents alone.

"Salad, dear?" Mrs. Hart asked her son gently, offering the bowl to him.

"No thank you," replied Colin as he stabbed away at his chicken breast. He had no desire whatsoever to eat.

Mr. Hart glanced over at his wife, then turned his eyes onto his son. "Your mother and I were discussing-" _Discussing_, thought Colin dryly. _Huh. That was some loud discussing you guys were having_. "- that maybe next year you could transfer to a private school."

Colin's fork clattered onto the table. "Why?"

"You should be away from bad influences," Mrs. Hart explained.

"Like that Brown boy," muttered Mr. Hart under his breath. Colin felt a stab of anger, that his father was mocking his boyfriend. He continued to poke at his chicken breast, thinking about something Ephram had said only a day ago. _"Why don't you just tell them the truth? That would go over really well. 'Mom, Dad, I broke up with Amy because I enjoy making out with the extremely attractive Ephram Brown'. Don't forget the extremely attractive part." Colin almost smiled._

"Whatever. I'll go to another school," Colin said carelessly, picking up his fork and continuing to brutally murder his poultry. "I'll still be a fag wherever you send me."

"Colin!" Mrs. Hart gasped.

"You are _not_ _gay," Mr. Hart said in a firm voice. Colin stared at him; it was as if the fact that "Father has spoken" made it true._

"You're wrong, Dad, OK? Can't you just accept the fact that I like guys? I liked 'em before the accident, and I still do now." Shock was evident on his parents' faces; it assured Colin they'd actually been listening for a change. "I love Ephram. He is the only one in this whole town that treats me like _me, not some kid from before the accident who- I don't even know who he was. He likes me for me. I'm going to stay with him." His mouth tightened. "With or without your permission." He batted his plate off the table and let it crash to the floor. Ceramic fragments went flying; his mother gasped as she narrowly avoided being scraped by one. Colin left his parents and stalked back up to his bedroom._

~*~

"Ephram, dinner!" called Dr. Brown. Both he and Delia looked at the stairs expectantly from the kitchen table. A moment later the music turned off and Ephram clumped downstairs, slumping into his seat at the table.

"What's for dinner?" Ephram asked wearily.

Dr. Brown passed Delia a dish of fried rice. "Lasagna, fried rice and wonton soup fresh from Gino Chang's. And-" Grandly Dr. Brown stood and brought a white box to the table. Ephram looked at it with apprehension. "Go ahead," Dr. Brown said eagerly. "Open it." 

"I'm afraid. What if it's a bomb?"

"If it was a bomb, your sister and I would be in the living room, hiding behind the couch. Now open the box."

Ephram opened the box. Inside was a cake. A _rainbow_-striped cake. And it read: 

**GAY IS A-OK!** in white icing. Ephram could only blink his eyes; the shock was too much for him.

"It's chocolate," Delia said proudly. Ephram turned to his sister, then turned to his father's grinning face. _He's trying_, Ephram realized. _At least he's not having a tantrum like the Harts. It could be worse._

"Dad. You are the biggest dork. Ever." He paused for a second. "Thanks."

~*~

Ephram was not a Shakespeare fan, but was struck by a line from _Romeo and Juliet as he attempted to climb a ladder up to Colin's window. "But soft, what light from yonder window breaks?" he muttered to himself. "It's Colin, and he's the sun… or something like that." Ephram continued to climb to the window. "And I'm going to freeze my ass off if I can't get inside." He peered in the window and was pleased to see Colin laying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. Ephram knocked on the window, trying not to slip on the icy ladder rungs. Colin turned to the window, half-surprised and half-overjoyed, and opened it, helping Ephram inside._

"Wow," Colin said as Ephram quickly shut the window, shivering. "You must really love me to go all Romeo on me."

"Yeah, or maybe my dad gave me a lobotomy in my sleep," Ephram quipped through chattering teeth.

"You have to keep it down." Colin went to the CD player and turned it up. Ephram smiled lopsidedly when he saw the song he was playing for his recital was on repeat. "My parents will kill me if they find you up here."

"They're not too happy about the whole gay thing?"

Colin grimaced. "'Not too happy'. I wish that's all they were. They said something about switching schools next year."

Ephram felt the blood in his veins freeze; well, become more frozen than they were before. Damn his inability to wear thick enough jackets. "Wh- what did you say back?"

"I said I'd be gay wherever they send me, and I'm going to date you no matter what." Colin wrapped his arms around Ephram's waist. Ephram pressed his face into Colin's shoulder. "What about your dad?"

"He bought me a cake that said 'Gay is A-OK'." Colin gaped at him, until he started to laugh. "So, he accepts it, but of course he accepts in the dorkiest fashion imaginable."

Colin sighed. "Well, at least we don't have to hide anymore. Everyone knows."

"Not everyone," Ephram disagreed, pulling away from Colin.

"Well, it'll be all over school by tomorrow." Ephram looked like he was going to be sick. "You don't seem too happy."

"Uh, yeah. That would be 'cause I'm not," Ephram snapped. "And why are _you so thrilled to come out? Everwood isn't exactly The Gayest Place on Earth."_

"But-" Colin struggled to convey what he felt into words. "What's the worst that could happen?"

"The worst that could happen? You don't get it, Colin," Ephram said, looking as if he was explaining something to a small child.

"Well, then, explain it to me." Colin clenched his jaw. "I'm not five years old."

"No matter what, this town will still see you as- as this perfect guy. And I'm gonna be the guy who made you gay."

"That's not true-"

"I know it's not. But you're not going to be the one mocked or beaten up. It'll be me."

"So, you just don't want to get your ass beaten by a couple of jocks?" Colin said, dismayed. "That's such crap. You're not worried about how the town will deal, you're worried about how _you're_ going to deal. You can call me your boyfriend, you can hold my hand and make gay jokes, but only when no one's around." Realization suddenly struck Colin. _"I love you," he had whispered at the hospital. Ephram had clasped his hand tightly. "Me too." __He can't even say 'I love you' in public, Colin thought painfully._

"And, what, you just want to parade this around town?" Ephram said intensely. "What do you get out of this, Colin?"

"If everyone sees that I'm gay, maybe they'll stop treating me like Colin the First." Ephram was taken aback by the way Colin described himself as if he was a different person. "They'll see me for _me_."

Ephram shook his head. "No, Colin, they'll see you as a faggot. A freak. An outcast. You don't want to feel like that." He made his way towards the window. Colin grabbed his arm and pulled Ephram back.

"Don't leave," Colin ordered him. Ephram labored to get out of Colin's grip, but he was a lot stronger.

"Colin, stop it." Ephram looked at his boyfriend, and there was fear in his face. "You're hurting me."

Colin released his hold on him hesitantly. Ephram opened the window. "I'm going to New York tomorrow, OK? I'll call you. We can work this out when I come back." He added, "I love you."

"Yeah." Colin tried to ignore the hurt look on Ephram's face. Sullenly Ephram made his way down the ladder and out of sight.


	6. Haligh, Haligh, A Lie, Haligh

Author's Note: Sorry it's so long since my last update. I'm not going to promise anything, but I'm going to try to update more often.

Thank you so much for all of your kind reviews.

~*~

So now we speak with ruined tongues 

and the words we say aren't meant for anyone. 

It's just a mumbled sentence to a passing acquaintance, 

but there was once you said you hated my suffering 

and you understood and you'd take care of me. 

You would always be there;

well where are you now?

-"Haligh, Haligh, A Lie, Haligh", Bright Eyes

~*~

A soft hand ruffled Ephram's hair. He smiled in his sleep. "Morning, sunshine." It was strange how Colin sounded remarkably like his father.

Ephram opened his eyes. Oh, yeah. It _was_ his father. "Cut it out," Ephram said as he shifted in his seat away from his dad, gingerly touching his hair. He glanced out the plane window, to see La Guardia airport beneath them. "That didn't take too long."

"You did sleep through most of it," Dr. Brown reminded him. He looked concerned. "Are you all right? You looked upset after you came in last night."

"I'm fine," Ephram mumbled. "Don't worry about me."

"But I'm your father," replied Dr. Brown, pretending to be insulted. "It's my job to be an annoying nag." Dr. Brown tapped Delia's shoulder as she slowly awoke. "Sweetheart? We're here."

Ephram checked his watch. 10:10. School was starting in five minutes. _I hope Colin's OK._

~*~

Colin checked his watch. 8:10. Bright pulled the truck into the parking lot and turned off the ignition. "Dude, I was reading the newspaper this morning-"

"And I didn't even know you could read," Laynie quipped as she grabbed her backpack and hopped out of the car.

Bright ignored her. "They're having this cartoon movie festival thing in Denver today. So, let's just blow off class and we'll go watch one of those ah-ni-mee movies."

"_Anime," corrected Colin instantly. A film festival sounded like something Ephram would want to do. He'd love to sit there in the dark next to Colin, telling him some random fact about Japanese film as they shared a bucket of popcorn and a few kisses. __Shut up, brain, Colin ordered himself. __I'm mad at him._

"Whaddya say, buddy?" Bright said, his voice strained with fake cheer. Colin shook his head.

"We have to go to class," he said, opening the truck door and stepping out. Bright shook his head as he got out of the truck and followed Laynie and Colin.

The whole schoolyard went graveyard-silent when the three of them made their descent into the school building. Colin could hear whispers as he went by. "Where's his boyfriend?" "Colin's a friggin' _homo!" "Was he gay before the accident?" "Brown was the one who talked him into it, he's the faggot…"_

"Don't listen to them," Laynie told her brother as she went off to homeroom. Colin kept his head straight as he headed for his locker. He caught a glimpse of hot pink paint splattered on his locker, reading **FAG, **HOMO**, ****QUEER. The same words were on Ephram's locker. Snickers filled Colin's ears as he read the words; a headache began to build in his temples.**

Colin turned around, to find Bright standing there. "You OK, man?" Colin struggled not to show any emotion on his face. "Yeah, I'm fine," he lied. "Let's get to class." The boys walked down the hallway, not noticing the eyes of a few angry jocks look their way.

~*~

"Jacob, the _kinderlech_ are here!" Ruth exclaimed as she opened the door to their New York apartment. She seized Delia by the shoulders and kissed her, then pulled Ephram into an oxygen-depriving hug. "It's been so long since we've seen you!"

"Hello, Ruth," Dr. Brown greeted his mother-in-law, giving her a polite hug. Jacob entered the foyer with a smile. Ephram uncomfortably noticed the shakes that plagued his grandfather's hands had grown worse. Jacob hugged his grandchildren, and extended his hand to Dr. Brown. His son-in-law shook his hand amiably.

"Come in, come in," cooed Ruth. "Are you hungry? Of course you are, I made lunch. Did they feed you on the plane?"

"If by 'feed', you mean stuffed cardboard down our throats," Ephram muttered. Ruth chuckled as she sat her grandchildren at the table and pushed two corned beef sandwiches in front of them. Ephram picked at his sandwich as his father and grandparents discussed the unveiling. He occasionally listened when his name was mentioned, but otherwise his mind drifted.

Colin had hurt him last night. Ephram touched his sore elbow. There was no bruise or mark, but it hurt to lean on. A sinking feeling filled him when he thought back to when Colin had punched his hand through the window of his truck and looked like he didn't even care. It hadn't seemed so important back then. Of course, the boys hadn't been getting horizontal with each other a few months ago, so it made sense that the incident had drifted from Ephram's mind.

_What if he's getting sick?_ thought Ephram suddenly. Oh God, he didn't want to even imagine that. The thought of Colin in the hospital, tubes in his mouth and nose, buried beneath layers of bandages, unable to see or hear or speak or live…

Ephram shoved his sandwich away. "Dear, you've barely eaten any," Ruth protested when she saw his plate.

"I'm not hungry," he explained softly.

~*~

Colin was having perhaps the worst day of his life; at least, Colin the Second's life. Every moment he was being stared at and whispered about. The teachers in his classes ignored his existence when he raised his hand. When he was in the hallway, walking to gym, someone shoved him into a locker. A throbbing pain filled his right arm for the rest of the day.

He nervously stepped into the locker room. His gaze instantly traveled to the lockers he'd pressed Ephram's lean, sinewy body upon. Colin remembered how good it felt to touch him; his hard body, his soft lips. If he concentrated hard enough, he could feel the sensation of Ephram's graceful piano fingers dancing on Colin's back and on his face, and the warmth of Ephram's body on his.

_Stop it_, Colin ordered himself. _I'm still mad at him. He went to his locker and began to undress, barely noticing the quiet of the locker room._

"Looky here," someone said snidely. Colin slipped his gym shirt over his head, and found three boys crowded at the end of his locker row. "Hart's giving us a little striptease." 

"Lookin' for some action?" another guy said- MacNally was his name. "Your boyfriend not good enough for you? Or did he skip town?"

"At least Brown had the sense to get out of here before we got to him," the first guy- Parker, Colin remembered- replied. Colin suddenly wanted to get out of locker room as fast as he could. He slammed the locker room shut and began to leave.

"No, I don't think so!" MacNally said with a laugh, running up to Colin and pulling his arms behind his back. The third guy joined in. Colin struggled to get out of their grip, but he couldn't fight off two guys who were both as strong as he was.

Parker leered at Colin, a sick grin on his face. He pulled back his fist and slammed it into Colin's face. Blood ran sluggishly from his nose as Colin tried not to cry out in pain. "This is what we do to fags here," Parker said devilishly as he punched Colin again, splitting his lip.

Colin tried to think of something, anything than what was happening to him as he labored out of the other boys' grips. Instead he heard his and Ephram's voices in his head.

"If everyone sees that I'm gay, maybe they'll stop treating me like Colin the First. They'll see me for me."

_Ephram had shaken his head. "No, Colin, they'll see you as a faggot. A freak. An outcast. You don't want to feel like that."_

Another hand made contact with his face. _Ephram was right. He was _right, he thought_. A hard kick came to his rib cage and his knees went out as the wind was knocked out of him. Colin braced himself with his hands as he was let go and dropped to the floor. He inhaled deeply. _

"Tell your boyfriend that he can expect the same when he gets back," MacNally warned him. Colin looked up just as the boys began to walk away. He pushed himself over to the wall. Hot tears stung his eyes and his desperately muffled cries filled the locker room.

~*~

Ephram tossed and turned in bed. He couldn't sleep. Plus he hadn't eaten enough at dinner, so he found himself in the kitchen, poking through Nonni's plentiful leftovers in the refrigerator when the lights came on.

"You should listen to your grandmother when she says have second helpings," Jacob advised his grandson. Ephram rolled his eyes, smiling as he pulled half an apple pie from the refrigerator and brought it to the table. Jacob grabbed two forks and sat down with him.

"So how's life treating you?"

Ephram shrugged. "OK, I guess." He noticed his grandfather watching him closely, and he sighed knowingly. "What did my dad tell you?"

"Everything," replied Jacob easily as he dug into the pie. "So the boy is the boyfriend of the girl you used to like? The one your father operated on?"

"­_Exboyfriend. And I never really liked her, I guess." Ephram put a piece of pie in his mouth and swallowed, trying very hard not to look directly at his grandfather. "Could we not talk about this, please? It's really weird."_

"It shouldn't be," Jacob insisted. "You love this guy?"

To his utter embarrassment Ephram could feel his cheeks start to burn. "Yeah, I do. But we had a fight yesterday."

"About what?"

"Stupid shi- stuff," Ephram censored himself when his grandfather gave him a warning look. "He wants to tell everyone about us."

Jacob frowned. "What's wrong with that?"

"Well, it's nobody's business!"

His grandfather sat up straighter in his chair, sticking his fork into the pie. "I know you better than that, Ephram. Is that the _real problem?"_

"No," replied Ephram tartly. His sour expression morphed into one of guiltiness. "It's just- for a while, it seemed too good to be true, you know? For once I wasn't in a permanent bad mood. When I'm with Colin, I'm- I'm _happy. And I thought if everyone knew, then people would judge us. And-" His throat tightened. Ephram cleared his throat. "And Colin wouldn't want to be with me anymore." Jacob opened his mouth to comment but Ephram rolled on. "And I was right! We've only had one fight, but that was before we were together. Now everyone knows, and now we're fighting." _And he tried to hurt me_, Ephram wanted to add, but didn't._

Jacob nodded. "Can I let you in on a secret, Ephram?"

"Please. Enlighten me, Grandpa."

"All relationships are hard." That was it. Ephram paused, hoping there was for more. Luckily there was more. "There are always fights. But if you really love Colin, you'll make it through the fights and the people who try to knock you down. Love conquers all." Jacob paused, a look on his face that Ephram couldn't read. "And if you ever need Nonni or me, we're always here for you."

Ephram sat up straighter, feeling as if a huge weight had been lifted off him. At least there was someone out who was on his side. "Thanks, Grandpa."

"No problem. Now get to bed." Jacob patted Ephram's shoulder as he swallowed painfully. "Tomorrow's a big day."

~*~

That afternoon Mrs. Hart received a phone call at her office, saying her son Colin had "an accident" and needed to be picked up. She rushed there, afraid- had Colin thrown up or had a fit of temper? No, it turned out; his face was purple and crimson from a beating from some boys. Colin said he didn't who they were, or why they'd beaten him up. But Colin, Mrs. Hart, the gym teacher, even the principal knew why. Mrs. Hart brought her son back to the house, nursing his wounds and setting him up in front of the couch with blankets and the TV remote.

"We never should have sent you to school today," she repeated over and over as she put cream on Colin's split lip and cooling gel on his bruised face. Colin had washed the blood off his face himself.

"Why?" Colin asked his mother quietly. "Because you knew everyone would instantly hate me?"

"Some people- aren't very accepting" was her hasty reply.

"People like Dad" was his. 

Mrs. Hart sighed as she sat down on the couch. "Colin, you know your father and I love you very much. But the way he was brought up, it's taught that homosexuality is wrong." He flinched at _wrong_.

Colin's voice lacked all emotion. "What does that mean? Was I born wrong? Is it _wrong to feel the way I do?"_

"No, no, sweetheart!"

"Could you please leave me alone." It wasn't a question; questions required feeling. "I want to be alone."

Mrs. Hart nodded. "Of course, sweetheart. I'm going out to the grocery store. I'll be back in half an hour." She attempted to kiss her son's forehead, but he shrugged away from her. Disappointed, she left the room as her son blasted the TV screen. The images and sounds gave his mind something to do. That way he didn't have to think about Ephram's hurt face when he left the house the day before, the petrified stares of the people at school, and the gleeful grins of his attackers.

~*~

Dr. Brown was slipping on the jacket of his suit when his father-in-law stepped into his doorway. "Andy," Jacob said. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

"Sure," agreed Andy, taking his watch off the night table and putting it on his wrist.

"Ephram and I were talking about the situation back in Everwood."

Already, Andy could tell he did not like where this conversation was going. So he pretended to focus on his watch. "Mmm-hmm."

"He said that he and his boyfriend- Colin- they're pretty close. They, uh, they love each other."

Andy paused, feeling a smile creep onto his face. That was why Ephram had been so deliriously happy lately; he was in love.

"He also said you've been good to him," Jacob continued, looking uneasy as he basked Andy with praise. "And, I,I just wanted to say…good job."

Surprised, Andy stared at his father-in-law. If there was higher praise in this world, he couldn't even fathom what it was. "Thank you, Jacob."

Jacob nodded, checking his watch. "Let's get going. The car should be here soon."

~*~

JULIA BROWN 

1958-2002

BELOVED

DAUGHTER

MOTHER

WIFE

Ephram stared at the gravestone as the rabbi lead the mourners in prayer. It was a very plain, but elegant tombstone. His mom would've liked it.

"_Amein," everyone said in unison. "__Amein," repeated Ephram, a little late._

The rabbi closed his prayer book. "Julia's son, Ephram, will now lead us in the Kaddish prayer." Ephram descended from the group to his mother's gravestone.

Nervously the Hebrew poured from his mouth. He tried not to stutter but the language was so foreign to him. "_B'almah dee v'rah kheer'utey v' yamleekh malkhutei, b'chahyeykhohn, uv' yohmeykhohn, uv'chahyei d'chohl beyt yisrael, ba'agalah u'veez'man kareev, v'eemru. Amein._" His thoughts drifted slightly as he spoke.

~*~

_February 2002_

"Wow," Julia remarked as she walked into her son's bedroom as he slipped into his suit. "You look so good you may be able to play tonight. Too many girls will be giving you their numbers."

Ephram rolled his eyes at her attempt at humor.  "I look like a waiter in Little Italy. And I don't have the middle down."

"You'll do fine," insisted Julia. "Katherine will be really impressed." She watched her son's fingers become clumsy at the mention of the girl's name. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing." Ephram finished his tie and left the room. His mother moved aside quickly to let her son pass then proceded to follow him into the living room.

"Liar," Julia said, looking both concerned and amused as she touched her hands to her temples. "My Mom Radar is zeroing in on you. What's up?"

"I- I just don't know how much I like Katherine anymore." Ephram made himself very busy organizing magazines on the coffee table.

"Yes, she's funny, smart, kind and likes you. I can see why you are not at all a match. Ephram, you do this with every girl you meet!" Ephram watched her pause as the concern on her face slid into an expression of curiosity. "Ephram," Julia began tentatively, "are-"

"No."

"You don't even know what I was going to say," protested Julia as she sat down on the couch beside her son.

"You were going to ask if I was gay. And the answer is no."

"Sweetie-"

Ephram dropped the magazines in a heap. "Mom, I'm not gay."

"I believe you, and that's not what I was going to say." Ephram looked up at her, waiting. "I want you to know that I love you, no matter who you love. Girls, guys, Gwen Stefani-" Ephram smiled a little. "Just remember that, OK?"

"OK." There was a burst of lightning from out the window and Ephram looked up at the clock on the wall. "It's 6 o'clock. I'm going downstairs to wait for Katherine."

"Love you," Julia told her son, giving him a hug and following him to the door.

"Love you, too. Drive carefully, Mom, OK? It's raining pretty hard."

Julia rolled her eyes. "I don't need my fourteen-year-old son telling me about auto safety. I'll see you at seven thirty." She kissed her son's cheek and he left the apartment.

~*~

"_Oseh shalom beem'roh'mahv, hoo ya'aseh shalom, aleynu v'al kohl yisrael v'eemru: Amein," Ephram finished._

A light "_Amein_" whistled through the cemetery like a cool breeze.


End file.
